Why are Men Going on the Offensive in Spite of Increased Public Attention on Domestic Violence?

In simple terms this could be answered thus: it is because when caught in the frenzy of violence, the abuser really does not care what anyone thinks, what the law can do, or any other consequences.  When bent on murder, he is beyond caring whether he lives or dies, and this is backed by the increasing numbers of homicide-suicides, where the abuser kills the partner and then kills himself.

In the early stage, he is often emboldened by the victim's tendency to cover up rather than take any action, or even stand up for herself. Most domestic violence victims just concentrate on getting the relationship back on keel and are inclined to bend over backwards to achieve some sort of peace.

At this stage, both abusing and making up are the prerogatives of the abuser. These actions are performed on his terms, and the victim is not in a position or even wanting to take charge. Gradually, the abuser extends full control over the victim, he comes and goes, beats and loves, is charming and ferocious as and when he pleases. He is well and truly the subject and she is the confirmed object. So with nothing to check his advancing control and violence, he turns full-fledged abuser.

Once he has reached this stage, no vestige of normalcy remains in his consciousness. He is totally drunk with power, and not scared to use it. This explains why offenders disregard domestic violence restraining orders with impunity, and continue stalking and harassing the victims.



Centuries of patriarchal conditioning and living in a male-dominating society now equips him to act with impunity with no fear of reprisal. The considerable amount of support and succor that a victim now receives is miniscule when compared with the mammoth proportions of biases and prejudices ranged against her as a norm in society.

The "boys will be boys" mentality with which the patriarchal systems view domestic violence cases makes it even harder for victims to receive justice. This explains the comparatively lenient sentences meted out to offenders as a matter of routine. Victims do receive sympathy, especially when grievous bodily harm is perceived, but the offender is not condemned harshly enough. He is let off with a rap on the knuckles when he deserves a kick in the backside.

Another noteworthy fact is that domestic violence offenders are to be found among police officers, domestic violence attorneys, advocates, the judiciary, and even among political leaders. A support system for victims that may be set up by these officials who moonlight as abusers doesn't inspire much confidence. "So what's the big deal with the black eye? I gave my wife one the other day, and she just put on more eye-shadow. Deal with it woman!" This may be what's going on in their minds while uttering a politically right, "Tsk…tsk!" 

Harsher punishments and stricter battering programs are called for in order to dissuade domestic abuse. The evils of this vile act have to be publicized by consistent domestic violence awareness programs.

Society has to stop condoning violence as a natural male thing, and condemn victims as having "asked for it."

Domestic violence episodes happening around you should not be ignored or disregarded as a private matter, but considered a potential murder and informed to relevant authorities. If a woman you witnessed being beaten up yesterday winds up dead today, you are morally responsible for not taking action that may have prevented the abuser from proceeding this far. You do not have to dive into the middle of an episode and play action hero; it only takes a discreet phone call to the domestic violence hotline.

As long as people do nothing to intervene, abusers control the victim as well as the spectators. The victim may be helpless to break this vicious control, but a spectator or witness surely does not have to be controlled by the abuser.

Take action, stop abuse, and feel the glow that comes with having done your good deed for the day.




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